2/10/2011

Valentine's Day 2k11 gift guide pour moi

This Monday is Valentine's Day and I was a really good boyfriend this year. I taught you how to drive stick. I let you turn me on to Community. I squeezed the sponge dry after washing the dishes, like you always remind me. Time to celebrate!

Let me unwrap any of the following and you'll send my heartbeat a-flutter guarantee.

20th anniversary edition of Ride re-release Nowhere
2 CDs. 27 tracks. 1 recorded live set at Roxy in '91. Color me album cover ocean blue with excitement!


Shoegaze on the same seminal planar as My Bloody Valentine, but unlike being enveloped in a love letter of swarmy riffs as written in sonic cursive by mbv, Ride was more about hooky pop melodies and celebrating Mark Gardener's spaced teeth. Less earth-shattering, less Baroque, with still just as much feeling.


To this day "Vapour Trail" sounds like what should be playing when you pick your date up from their house for the junior prom. Or during the first dance at my alt-wedding. Or when I unwrap this gift on Monday morning. You know, during a moment that matters hard.

WiFi at home
This has been the great struggle of my young adult life. Without any understanding of its greater economics and how the web, like, actually works, I'm just gonna come out and say something pejoratively ignorant: I don't think anyone should have to pay for the internet.

Besides my laziness, dwindling bank account, raised-on-tech-Gen-Y-entitlement, and basic pseudo-frustrations boys face in their early-20s, I don't know where this feeling comes from. Maybe it's none of that and just a Depression-era mentality instilled in me by my grandparents. I mean, if I've been able to survive for two+ years off free wireless from miscellaneous cafes, work, and (shhh!) my neighbors's open network, I don't wanna spend a dime. That old working, but unreliable model: Where there's a will, there's a WiFi.

That said, will you pony up for some internet at my place? I have a lot of albums I wanna download. For free.

Givenchy "crown of thorns"
Or anything from the brand's menswear F/W 2010 collection.


'Specially those pants that represent the second great struggle of my young adult life: Finding simple, basic pants that genuinely want to have a long-term relationship with my body.



Also, I spend a lot of time sitting down in front of my computer, so it's important I look like I shower regularly. And as for that crown, I realize it has no utilitarian value. But neither does this made-up holiday.

For you to follow me on Twitter
Nothing says "I love you!" like "@mattzeus I love you!"

And since we're dating you already know I apply my acute O.C.D. offline online. There should be an underlying order and structure to everything, which means no Facebook status updates since that's what Twitter is for and presents on every Valentine's Day. Kisses.

Somebody to actually want to give me the crap listed above
Because I fabricated the intro to this post.

I'm single. I'm a liar. I'm a single liar. Let's date!

2 comments:

Hank hendricks said...

Best gift guide...I will remember it to use it when i need.

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Aqsa said...

This is the best way to use thorns for good purpose.
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