4/22/2011

5 most underrated things in my life right now

1. Mongooses

Fuck cats.

Fuck penguins.

Only kinda-sorta fuck adorable baby polar bears.

Dogs are still cool, obviously.

But mongooses are sooo under-the-radar. I'm not sure how they differ in the species genus from meerkats besides meerkats having their own reality show so their 15 minutes are up. Going with that analogy, if meerkats are to Keeping Up with the Kardashians, then mongooses are to the desperate washed up stars on Dr. Drew looking for a comeback. Time for mongooses to get a dose of Pixar/Dreamworks animated TLC!


Also, I hope the lady who cuts my hair is reading this. Because when she asks what I want to do with my hair at our next appointment, I'm going to point to these two photos and ask for the "banded mongoose." Just wait. Even Bieber will want one.

2. Chapbooks

I made one in high school called Bwanza Devil and it was filled with awfully written stories of a transgendered 1950s housewife who murders her domineering husband because she thought he was a praying mantis (Julianne Moore, I have your next movie role!), a Garden State-like romance between two autistic drug dealers (that I required people to read with 3D glasses on for some reason?) and too many characters with names like Dice and Zombie (I was really into Tarantino and Chuck Pahlaniuk at the time). When I finally finished designing it on my grandparent's PC, not even MS Word knew it had that much clip art of lightning bolts (I was also really into lightning bolts).

That was my first and last chapbook, thankfully.

But I'm planning on writing something for the paper's upcoming "books issue", so I've been reading a lot of local zines and chapbooks scattered around Honolulu and constantly in admiration of the patience and time and repetition of both 'patience' and 'time' they require. I mean, I get that "chapbooks" aren't really underrated, but now that I've written all this, I think what I really meant to title this entry as was "perseverance" because that's something you really need to have in spades to do anything you love.

3. These Prince songs

Prince performed on George Lopez last week and it took me back to when I found my parents copy of Purple Rain and listened to it for the first time. Let's just say it was a Catcher in the Rye moment. So. Many. Good. Songs. Anyway, you know when you're at a concert and you have that big-stage fantasy the artist is gonna single you out in the crowd, point a microphone in your face and ask you what song they should sing next? (Wait, you do?! That's great! So you're crazy sick in the head too!!) I think he's performing live at the Forum tonight and I would die 4 U to go, but sign 'o the times are hard for those of us who don't live in L.A., so I'll just have to imagine answering with either of these three songs.


"I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man" because male falsetto in general is crying like a dove for a revival. Rufus & Chaka Khan's "Sweet Thing" which Prince wrote which means he's making music even when you're not looking. And though I realize "I Wanna Be Your Lover" was a total hit, Prince has so many hits I'm gonna loosen the term "underrated" to include this '70s bruiser.

Also, there's a Prince vs. Michael Jackson showdown between two DJs at Nextdoor tonight, so if any of you wanna lock googly-groovy eyes with me under a disco ball then BE THERE, BABY.

4. Scone bagels

These are so underrated they don't even exist yet. I know, I couldn't believe it either. No, stay here, I already did a Google image search, okay? So you'll just have to envision it. Close your eyes and imagine the shape of a bagel. But with the texture of a scone. Put it in a toaster oven for 22 seconds and let that baby burn. Then spread it thick with a slab of strawberry jam and goddamn, I feel like I'm writing some erotic fiction here!

5. Sex

Speaking of erotica and drooling all over my keyboard, maybe I should get laid soon? I don't know. It's really hard to get yours when things like #4 don't exist and you've lost all faith in humanity.

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