4/07/2011

Blaming everything today on Mercury

Fuck, man, moods are weird. Especially when they swing on you for no apparent reason. Like right now, the way my tongue tastes inexplicably dry and paper-y, the way my eyes feel glazed like donuts, and for why? Nothing!

All I know is I was having a typical case of the Matthew and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad (Thurs)Day-s right until I heard a stranger shout that "Quadruple shot in a trenta -- Mercury is in retrograde, honey!" at the poor barista just now. And while I don't follow astrology, there are times when even an under-caffeinated non-believer like myself could use a stellar scapegoat.

That said, I already feel better about the following things occurring in my orbit:

This bistro's internet signal I hijack every other morning is at full bars...


...yet downloading the new Pains album is taking 500 light years. What the WiFi?!!!?


The miscommunication I just had with my eye doctor's receptionist...



...will leave me wearing the same daily pair of blurry contacts for seven days straight. My vision, -5.00. Mercury, 20/20.


My inability to open any of the books I scored at the Japanese $1 store two weeks ago...

...has me streaming drops of Jupiter in my hair, hey, hey, hey, hey AND IT'S TOO EARLY TO HAVE THIS SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD.

:'''''(((((((


That the constellation of D-List celebrities...














...on Dancing With The Stars...















...can have livelier careers than any cast member of Twin Peaks is seriously spookier than all of Twin Peaks. RIP James Marshall.


All the people who keep sincerely blaming every little thing on Mercury being in retrograde...


...retrograde yourselves far far away from me, you Zodiac psycho freaks!

1 comment:

Hazel said...

OMG BEVERLY HILLS HOUSEWIFE PSYCHO BITCH

Post a Comment