Carpe Diem: Seize the (weird) day

1. Alarm clock didn't go off. Woke up three hours late. Carpe diem. Today's gonna be great!

2. Found a random girl sleeping in our living room (courtesy of my brother). She still had her fake eyelashes on. Get it, gurl. :-//

3. Walking to work and a homeless tranny says, "Hey, big dick" to me. Um, good morning to you to, Mr/Ms.

4. Checked my email and had 4 LinkedIn requests. LinkedIn. Requests.

5. One of our older writers comes up to my desk, says an entire sentence in German, and then leaves. Our paper is literally out of its mind.

6. Told myself I needed a cup of coffee because coffee cures all. Brought it back to work to find it had been leaking through the bottom quietly the entire time. My cup of coffee is mocking me.

I've only been up an hour. Can I get a witness?

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